Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Randomize
