You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
