remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
