plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i love accidental penises.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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