you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
