90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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