Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
