Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
His hands were made for my vagina.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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