do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
