Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I cut my penus on the lid.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
