I puked a lego.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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