also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
