Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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