you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Randomize
