i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
