Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
cat food counts as protein by the way
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
