An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
