Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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