So drunk its hurt
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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