32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
