my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Randomize
