i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Randomize
