Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
