I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
