I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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