You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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