he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
He kissed a someone with a penis
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
