The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
