She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
