i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
