I can't breathe out the right side of my face
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
