why didn't you poke me back
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
