my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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