No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
