Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
