If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
