No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
