dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
