dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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