dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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