dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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