Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
