My liver just broke up with me...
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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