he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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