Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
