she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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