That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
