he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
