Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
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