I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
