I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
