dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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