pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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