ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
